My First Sunday Without Him

Sundays used to be my favorite day of the week. Since I work Saturdays, Sundays were the only full day boy and I had together.  Being able to wake up in his arms, and being able to stay cuddled in bed, not having to rush off to work was incredibly special.  We’d make a giant breakfast, and in the colder months relax in front of the fire.  If it was the season, we’d watch sports (NASCAR and/or football), go to wineries, head to our favorite microbrewery (BadWolf!), hang out with family or friends, go boating in the summer, or just hang out for a quiet day at his house.  Sundays were my saving grace through the rest of the week.

Two Sundays ago, I woke up alone, but excited. The boy had been hunting and was coming back later that day. I was blissfully unaware that in a few short hours, he would come home proclaiming he was leaving, and start the end of our relationship.  Last Sunday, I woke up with my stomach in knots.  The boy was (once again) hunting, but coming back later that day.  This time I knew that when he came back, we’d be having a major talk…and I didn’t see it ending well.   Maybe it was good timing that we broke up when we did, because the boy and I haven’t had a Sunday morning together for (now) three weeks.

I woke up this morning alone, in a cold bed, missing him terribly. Like it has been for the last couple weeks, mornings continue to be the hardest part of my day. I turned on the tv since quiet is my enemy, and had to go through the list of reasons why things wouldn’t work with the boy.  With the vastness of the day without him looming ahead of me, I had to craft myself a schedule on what I was going to do today to keep busy.

My day is going to start with church with my mom, followed by The Theory of Everything.  Thinking on that now, that may not be a great decision, because I can see myself becoming an emotional mess in the movie.  Later, I’ve got plans with a couple of my friends (one of whom is also going through a breakup, so hanging out will help her as well).  When I come home tonight, I think I need to start on my list of things to do to keep busy.  I’ll write some letters, and try to connect with friends I don’t see much.  It will help to know that in the next couple of days, some peoples’ days will be made a bit brighter by getting a card or letter in the mail.

Sundays are going to be painful for a while, I think - at least until I can make new routines with different people. I look forward to getting to the point that I can look back on our two years on Sundays without any longing dulling all the happy memories. Who has Sundays free to play?